thoughts

Sleepwalking: A Goodbye at the End of the World

You do know the world is ending, right? The green of earth is losing its color. The ocean is sinking into itself, blending into the dirt beneath it. Just look at the morning sky. Even its blue looks depressing. Sadly, the night is no better. When its darkest, I count less stars. It’s like the sky is devouring all the light.

So when I see the moon, I hear it telling me to run. Appears as a warning, the moon says the end times are near. Don’t you hear it? The moon calls our names through the window. No wonder I never feel lonely when alone. Only when people are around, do I find myself craving for silence.

When did the dark obtain fingers? It creeps into the farthest corners of my mind. I can no longer tell if my eyes are open or not. I don’t feel alive anymore. Living has felt more like sleep-walking. What if I’ve been dreaming this whole time?

For so long, you’ve told me not to seek comfort in the shadows. Now, I begin to question what’s so scary about that. What better hiding place than the dark? A place you can hide all your secrets. It’s where you can never be found. I’ve always wanted to be invisible. If I’m not seen through someone else’s eyes, I can be no one other than myself.

And yet, all you’ve done is bring me to light. You’ve been a star all on your own. There’s a light in you that cannot be dimmed. It’s what I love about you. How you chase away the dark with your presence. You expose everything that the world left hidden. It’s a strength I once wanted but now hate. Being in the light for too long is painful to the skin, but it isn’t your fault.

Unfortunately, these nightmares have gotten worst. My own brain is a monster turned against me. What it thinks is an act of terror. Please, can you tell me about your demons? I know you have to deal with them too. I’m told that Hell is a place conjured up from guilt. So what are you remorseful about? What of your past do you regret?

Understand, the apocalypse can happen in many ways. None of them good. All of which ends the same. In death.

We cannot keep running. There’s nothing infinite about survival. Forever is only a crapshoot. Eventually, time will dissolve into memory, and then into nothing. So why avoid the shadows and not embrace them? Maybe, when everything we love is gone, we can find eternity.

The ideal of Heaven is starting to make sense now. A promise of immortality after we die. Must be god’s sense of humor. His way of mocking our beliefs that everything will be okay.

Let’s live our final days in paradise. Be at peace that we don’t have to fight anymore. So take my hand this one last time. Look up! The sun has shed its golden skin. Its body bleeds a bright red like a blossoming rose. Together, we’ll say goodbye to the only world we’ve ever known.

See? Isn’t this beautiful?

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